Chapter One
Recognizing and Taking the First Step
The reality for most of us in this day and age is that the economy is spinning out of control and leaving many people with budgets that don’t allow extras. Hiring a lawyer each time an issue arises with an ex is no exception. Most people are struggling just to put food on the table and know that paying some high priced attorney is not practical. There is no doubt that many people already suffering are feeling desperate to end the wars with an ex and learn how to self-represent to save money.
Recognizing that there is an ongoing situation and many years of issues ahead with an ex is important to know. If there are children as a result of the relationship you are likely to have on and off issues with that ex throughout your child’s entire youth, that’s eighteen to twenty-one years people! Now there is no reason to pay for representation when “Unrepresented” can walk you through every court battle with an ex and save you thousands of dollars in the process.
Exes are exes for a reason and even though most will go their separate ways when they can no longer see eye-to-eye with one another. The reality is, an ex won’t just go away, in fact, they can hang around like that Christmas tie Aunt Millie bought you. Issue after issue, you tug at that tie to keep it from squeezing the air out of you, even though you would much rather throw it away. In most cases these situations only become more intense, which is common for couples that have children together and end the relationship. The only legal way to get through issues with an ex is court.
This book was written for several reasons the biggest, to let you know you are not alone. There are many people searching for ways to put issues with an ex behind them so they can move on, without breaking the bank.
For many years, I battled three exes with excessive issues and made mistakes along the way. People do learn from their mistakes and that’s the second reason for this book, because I learned from my mistakes and want to help give you the power to stop history from repeating itself. Most people have enough issues to deal with such as jobs, bills, and family let alone adding an ex into the equation. For those of you dealing with an ex and court, reading the chapters that pertain to the issues you are going through in your life right now, can help you avoid making the same mistakes I have and present any court case dealing with an ex in confidence. Learning the process of self-representation has saved my family thousands of dollars, many headaches, and lots of time.
Whether you were married to your ex, had children with them, or your financial situation won’t allow you to hire representation this book can help. This tool can be used right from the beginning, at the point where you realize you need to go to court, to presenting your case in front of a judge in confidence. “Unrepresented” was designed to help whether you are dealing with one or ten exes, and as many times as you need to prepare and appear in court.
There are millions of split families and relationships. Life’s not all white picket fences and roses for the majority of us. The reality is that most people either have an ex or know someone who does. If we dig a little deeper we’d probably find that behind closed doors many of those who have ended a relationship are also dealing with constant battles and disagreements with an ex as well.
If there are children involved we are bound to these exes by law. Reading this book will give you the upper hand to not only defend yourself in court against an ex, but learn how to deal with them outside of court as well. So let them bring it on!
Even if you get along and communicate well with this ex, you may still need to go into court and make things legal at some point. One of the many reasons court may still be necessary is to have your ex state on court record that the minor child is their biological child, which requires both parents in court. Many times it’s both parents’ intentions to remain friends or be civilized because of the child between them, but then a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse comes into the picture and all hell breaks loose!
There are other reasons why the relationship with an ex can go sour, but because of the need to cover the most important topics here, I’ll spare you. Although, not every issue dealing with an ex is listed in the book forty of the most common ones are.
I wish you the best of luck through every dilemma you may encounter with your ex and the court process. My hope is that “Unrepresented” saves you and your family time, stress, and money.
Why File for a Court Date?
In case you find yourself questioning whether court is really necessary, below are some common reasons why a person may need to file for a court date:
Have constant arguments with an ex that never get resolved and only escalate?
Have an ex who tries to run each situation and acts as if they are more superior?
Have an ex who tries to sabotage you or your spouse’s relationship with your child?
Have an ex who withholds your parenting time because of child support or because they are upset with you?
Have an ex who pays support part of the time?
Have an ex who refuses to pay child support?
Have an ex who threatens you, your family, or friends?
Need a divorce with or without children involved?
Need an ex removed from your home?
Need support, custody, or paternity established?
Need personal belongings returned?
Have an ex who has kicked you out of your home?
Have an ex violating a previous court order?
Need to dismiss an attorney from your case?
Have an ex that you suspect is abusing or neglecting your child?
Have an ex who is assisting your child with resisting visits?
Need to file for a support modification?
Have an ex who causes problems with your spouse or friend?
Have an ex who is harassing you on the phone or in person?
Have an ex who is unstable moving your child around too much?
Have an ex who is using drugs or alcohol while in the presence of your child?
Have an ex who has withheld important information from the courts such as income, child care cost, a move, etc.
An ex may be threatening that they have hired the best attorney money can buy. Don’t let that intimidate you because the law is still the law. Maybe they have found the best attorney available to them; this shouldn’t affect you in the slightest, as long as you have done nothing against the law and you know your ex is in the wrong and they have no proof.
Example, your ex has violated a previous court order withholding your child’s visits; you want your visits to resume, however, your ex has informed you that they have hired a great attorney that’ll make sure you never get your visits back. You know you are a safe parent; your ex is just making things up as they go because they are mad at you over your new relationship, stand your ground in court-it’s a violation of your parental rights to be refused visitation. The ex should be held in contempt of court for breaking the previous court order.
Be sure there is no proof that an ex can bring forward in court, like that you are unfit in any way, and that it is not just hear-say. With no proof against you, not even an attorney can change the judge’s mind-that’s why we have laws in place. Let your ex get fired up but don’t stoop to their level-just take them to court.
Most civil cases can be handled by the person who is need of the court date. A civil case is when two parties explain to a judge what they would like to see happen in their case-where no one is facing jail. Sometimes, even in a civil case someone may be facing a jail sentence due to failure to pay child support or for child abuse. If the person being accused is innocent then there is hope for the case. The accused may consider hiring representation. If you are behind on child support there are still some tips in this book that can help you. You will still need to build a case even if you are facing jail and the courts will need to hear your side, so be ready. You should find the section in this book that covers the topic you need and go into court well prepared. If you would be sentenced-it won’t be forever and your child support will continue to add up on you. Why not know what the law says you can deduct or are entitled to and know what your state guidelines can offer you?
By no means should you ever go into court with a chip on your shoulder or a banjo on your knee! You may know you are entitled to something but you still need to remain polite to all parties involved and concentrate on your proof to present your case well. The judge will go by the law, however, it’s not recommended to carry on in a rude fashion because things could turn around in your case, so just be polite.
Where Do I Start?
The first question most people ask is where do I start? Although, the exact reason you are reading this book is unclear to me, I can walk you from start to end on most issues that deal with an ex and court. Most of the more common forms that are generally filed in civil court are small claims, divorce, child support, paternity, and custody cases. If you cannot locate answers to all of your questions in this chapter, you can always skim through the book and see if you can find the exact topic you are looking for.
First, know why you are in need of a court date. Next, make notes on a piece of paper or journal information that pertains to your case. These notes should contain your ex’s complete name, address, employers name and address, and any contact numbers for them such as, a friend or relative. The reason contact numbers is when you file on someone the courts will require the correct contact information, in case they need to mail the person documents or make direct contact with them. Having this information at your fingertips will save you steps later. The same is true if the courts tell you will be the one responsible for mailing an ex court documents.
Should I Dismiss my Attorney?
Now, is a good time to dismiss that attorney if that is your intention? Be aware that dismissing an attorney in the middle of your case can put the case on hold; however, this should take no more than fifteen days maximum. Check with the clerk in the county where you file to get an exact time in which an attorney has to withdraw from your case through the courts. The time frame will differ from state to state and should not cause any damage to your case.
Maybe it’s that your attorney is charging you too much or dragging the court dates out which in turn is raising their fees, or they are not doing an adequate job on your case.
If it’s your intention to dismiss this attorney, start by writing them a brief, polite letter of explanation asking them to withdraw. If you wish to explain yourself you could mention that due to your current financial status you can no longer afford their representation. The courts, depending on what state you are filing in will generally require that this letter of explanation be followed through. Some states will ask that you send or file the letter through the courts, while others require that you send the letter to the attorney you want to dismiss. Either way, make a copy of this letter as proof for your records, just in case the attorney does not withdraw in a timely manner. You can ask them by phone or in person when they expect to withdraw. The attorney should withdraw through the courts in a timely fashion. You are also entitled to a copy of your file and in most cases it should be free.
If you do not have an attorney representing you or your attorney has withdrawn, you should be able to get the ball rolling. In most states if an attorney has not withdrawn, the courts will not let you proceed with the case on your own until this step is complete. In my state the courts will not allow a person who is represented to write their judge
Paternity
Do you have a child and someone is seeking the paternity of them? Are you the one seeking paternity of a child you believe to be yours? Are you seeking paternity for child support and or custody?
There are a few things that need to be clarified as far as custody goes; if you are the one who resides with your child, you are the Custodial Parent and there is reasonable representation that you can obtain for support and paternity related cases only. This representation cost less than fifty dollars and is a one-time fee; this is not like hiring a regular attorney. These attorneys are called Prosecuting Attorneys and they work for the state under these child support offices.
The next section brushes over child support agencies, if you need more information locate the chapter on custody. Let’s say you are the custodial parent and you are seeking paternity because you know that this is the only way to get child support ordered and custody established. The most economical way for you to start is through a child support enforcement agency. There are web-sites listed at the back of this book to help you locate any of the agencies available. These web-sites offer phone numbers, addresses, and some self-help forms. Look up the child support agency in the town where your child resides, and get the phone number so you can call ahead and schedule an appointment with one of their representative’s. These agencies are an excellent resource for anyone seeking child support and or paternity. They will assist in many ways and won’t cost as much as hiring an independent attorney.
If you are the non-custodial parent (meaning your child does not reside with you), and you have received a summons of some sort from a child support office or the courts, do not miss your appointment, reschedule if need be, but do not disregard the summons.
If you need help building a case after paternity is established or would like to know what will take place on the day of testing, refer to chapter seven on paternity.
Divorce
Are you seeking a divorce with no previous court case? There is an all-states courthouse web-site listed in the back of the book that you can refer to. Find the courthouse in the county that issued your marriage license and give them a call to verify any filing fees, waiting periods, and hours of operation, and whether the divorce packet is located via-internet or through their office.
Even when there is no marriage involved there can still be many issues left to resolve such as, property that needs divided, paternity, custody, child support, and visitation, etc. Start by locating the courthouse where you and your ex last resided together or where your children (if you have children with this particular ex), resided at the time of separation. Use the all-states courthouse web-site resource for any contact information. If you do have a child with your ex and need child support, custody, or visitation resolved and have never had paternity established-your case will be put on hold until this step is complete. You will need to either go on court record to state the child named X is your biological child, or have legal paternity test performed. For more info on paternity refer to the chapter on paternity.
If there are no children involved but you have property, bills, or loans that need divided or settled, locate the courthouse in the same county where you and your ex resided at the time of separation and contact the clerk’s office. Explain what it is you are in need of; ask if this case will need to be filed in a small claims or circuit court. You may want to ask if there are fees involved with filing as well. Perhaps, your case will be considered a small claims suit, thus, you will need to know what amount the courts will allow you to claim. If the courts allow a claim of up to five thousand and the items you need returned don’t go over that, you can file small claims.
Violating a Court Order
When an ex violates a previous court order (meaning there is a court order already in place), you can summons them into court; this is often referred to as Contempt of Court. If you do choose to file contempt, make sure to write down the old case or cause number located at the upper right hand corner of the order, and take that number with you when you file along with your ex’s current and complete contact information.
The reason for using the case number is simple, the courts will most likely keep that case number on your file for any references that deal with you and your ex on any case either of you file. This case number will show the courts that the new issue pertains to the old case or deals with the same people in that case.
Court Forms
If you need to obtain proof that your ex is in contempt, you may choose to subpoena documents or a person into court.
You may need to file a Rule to Show Cause, where you and the other party in the case will present the courts with any questions, concerns, and proof.
You can file for a hearing and ask the courts to grant you more time on a case that’s already been heard-if you have more to add to it.
There is a form that can be filed called a Motion to Correct Errors, which does exactly what its name says it does, it corrects errors made by the courts. For more information on any of these forms refer to the specific chapter on the topic you need.
Since most states label their forms differently, it is not possible to name each specific form; however, these chapters can help at least point you in the right direction. One state may call an order to prevent someone from coming into contact with you a No Contact Order, while another state may label the form as a Restraining Order, or Protective Order.
Most forms are fairly easy to file and generally don’t cost much if anything. Always be sure to check with the clerk’s office at the courthouse for any cost that may be involved first so there are no surprises later.
The courts will usually inform you if you will need to make any copies of the forms you file; however, you should make at least three copies of each. Many courts are informing people who are filing to go elsewhere to make their copies, then bring them back in to have them stamped and filed. By making people go elsewhere for copies the courts can cut back on expenses.
Don’t be surprised if the court’s representative tells you to supply them with a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and an addressed envelope with the other parties address on it. They will probably remind you to stamp the forms as well which can be done by a stamp machine generally located in the clerk’s office or by the clerk themselves. Not all courts allow people to stamp their own paperwork.
Subpoenas
Once you have decided to file a subpoena on a business or person, gather all their contact information; correct current names and addresses for their residence, work, etc.
The main reason to file a subpoena is to bring proof to the courts of some sort such as, income verification, health insurance verification, day care fees, or to use a witness to testify on your behalf in court. You may elect to file a subpoena because you refuse to just take the other parties word that they pay x amount of dollars to a child care provider weekly, or that they make x amount of dollars through their employer a week.
Remember, just because your ex brings an attorney into court on their behalf and that attorney rattles off amounts to the judge, doesn’t mean that they have provided the correct amounts. People hire attorneys to speak on their behalf and these attorneys do not set out to check on their clients to see if they are telling the truth. This is not to say that the attorney will lie in vein, but rather, an ex can lie to an attorney and the attorney is simply going to convey to the courts what their client wants them to say. Take this step if you choose, although, you can go off the word of your ex or their attorney.
Filing a subpoena generally takes fifteen minutes once you arrive at the courthouse and if you have all the information you will need readily available. These forms are usually free of charge. You can subpoena as many people or business’s as you need and do it as many times as need be.
Use caution when subpoenaing certain people such as, doctors, nurses, lawyers, and therapist, etc., because they may charge you their normal hourly rate, call ahead and ask them to be sure.
Include zip codes and any case number from a previous court order pertaining to the ex you are filing against now on the subpoena. You should also know the date of your next court hearing with this ex, so you will know what date to place on the subpoena to be returned to you by (well before the next court hearing). There is an area provided on the subpoena for you to fill in what you want them to provide you such as; wage verification, start or end employment dates, tax info, etc. When subpoenaing be specific on what you would like the party to provide for you and what time and date you need them to appear (if you are subpoenaing them into court) same goes for any documentation you need sent to you.
The following is an example of how Joe subpoenas for health care: Joe needs the correct health care amount Kate pays directly out of her paycheck for their child. He doesn’t believe the amounts she provided at the last court date were true. If he can prove to the courts that she falsified the information, he may be entitled to a credit on his child support for any overpayments. He believes she included her own health care cost in the total amount given. He writes down her employers address and phone number, her personal contact information, and the cause number off the last court order. He explains on the subpoena that he wants Kate’s employer to break down the health care amounts by providing him with the most current amounts paid by her for the child named X.
Next, Joe files for a support modification and sets a court date two months out. He makes three copies and has the courts stamp and files them. He needed this court date before finishing the subpoena because he had to place that date on the form. He decides to give the employer one month to return the completed document at his home address. He called the courthouse ahead of time and was informed that he would need to make his own copies of anything he wanted to file. Joe was also told he would need to supply the courthouse with a self-addressed, stamped envelope so they could mail him a copy of the new court date even though he jotted the date down, that’s just the way many courts work. He finished filling out the subpoena and went to his local library, where he made two more copies of the forms; one for Kate’s employer, one for himself, and the original for the courts. Back at the courthouse he had the clerk stamps all three forms and provides Kate’s employers copy and the original to the clerk to file. The courts may or may not mail out the employer’s subpoena, however, they can also request you do it.
Filing Contempt
If you are subpoenaing a business try and allow them three weeks to a month to return the completed form back to you. Allow yourself a three week window in between your next court date and receiving it back, so if the completed paperwork never arrives, you can contact the courthouse you filed it through.
If you do not receive the subpoena by the specified date call the clerk’s office and explain that you need the form for court and without it you won’t be able to present your case. The courts should try and make contact with the business or person. If an attempt is made by the courts with no success you might consider filing contempt again.
Tools to Start
Below are some supplies you may want to have on hand when building your case:
Paper, pen, pencil, and highlighterAccess to a copy machine
Camera-in some cases
A separate folder for each ex you build a case on
Envelopes
Postage Stamps
Two notebooks to write down dates and times of any arguments or situations that take place with an ex, as well as, your ex’s home and work contact information
Phone Book
Be sure that you have access to the courthouse to make appearances or file
Telephone access
Previous court orders and a calendar to mark important court dates.
Access to the internet
Access to “Unrepresented”
Patience, patience, patience!!!
Start Building Your Case
Any case that is presented in court will need to be built from the ground up. Now is the time to decide (if you haven’t already), why you need to build a case? Next, ask yourself what needs to be filed and which courthouse you will file it in?
You will need to file in the same courthouse your marriage license was issued through, the same courthouse a previous court order exists (with the ex you are taking to court now), or the courthouse that is in the county where your child resides.
If it’s that you were never married to your ex or there are no children between the two of you, you should file in the same county where you resided with your ex at the time you separated.
If you are still unsure of which courthouse to file in go to the all-states appendix in the back of this book, enter it on the web, scroll to your state, and click on it. There you will find all the courthouses in your state and county. Find the courthouse nearest your residence and call the clerk’s office.
Explain to the courthouse representative what you need and provide them with a case number if possible. The representative should be able to locate your case if you have one with them. If they cannot assist you they may be able to point you in the right direction. Be sure and ask which forms you should file, whether the forms can be located on the internet, library, or through the courts, and if there are any fees associated with filing them.
Organizing
Remember all those arguments you used to have with your ex which may be the same reasons why you have decided to file against them now or why they have summoned you into court? All the arguments from the past and the present need to be well documented by you on paper, along with the dates beside them if they pertain to the reason you are filing.
Think of it as writing a book and start at the beginning. What started it? What are the main issues you cannot deal with anymore? Why the ex has issues with this situation? Why is your ex trying to prevent you from something? Are there any good reasons why you feel the way you do about the situation? Are there any benefits to making a change or keeping things the way they are? When did the issues with your ex start? Are they still occurring? How can these issues be resolved? If there is a child involved, how can they benefit from the change or from keeping things the way they are? Are there other people involved? How are they involved? Are they making the situation better or worse? Remember to keep writing your book. Write down everything that takes place with your ex.
The courts prefer to hear well organized cases. The dates are very important and only add to any proof that you present to a judge. This step is necessary and would be required of you even if you were being represented.
You are the only one besides your ex that knows the whole story and the only one who will need to convince the courts that you know what you are talking about.
The next step is to decide whether you need to summons any documents or witnesses to help your case in court. Witnesses and documents that provide important information about your situation can only make your case stronger. Determine if there is any proof you can obtain through a subpoena such as, wage verification, or day care fees paid by your ex, etc.
If you are planning to cross-examine items such as newspaper clippings or public records showing previous arrest or criminal behavior (which can be obtained through courthouse computers per your request), can help assist in the cross-examining area.
Cross-examination Questions
If you choose to cross-examine you will need to prepare a list of questions for each witness. Remember to make copies of any articles or reports for the judge and other party involved as well.
One way to get the courts attention is to hand all parties a copy of an arrest record (if your ex has one), and ask them to read the record out loud while under oath. The best questions to ask a witness is yes and no questions.
If your ex answers a question with a lengthy complicated story during cross-examination, just turn to the judge and ask, “Your Honor, I respectfully request that the courts direct the witness to answer yes or no to my questions and I request that all previous answers be stricken from the record.”
If the ex just so happens to have an arrest record and you can get your hands on it you could ask, “Isn’t it true that you were arrested over drug charges on such and such a date, yes or no?” Meanwhile, the judge, and your witness are will be holding the true report.
The following is an example of how to cross-examine; “Do you drink alcoholic beverages while in the presence of our child, yes or no? Have you been withholding my visits with our child?” Keep it simple regardless and as brief as possible.
Should you find that you are in need of a particular witness but their fees are too high, ask them if they will provide you with a statement for the courts to view.
Whether you will cross-examine a witness you should also be prepared to be cross-examined either by the ex’s attorney, or the ex, unfortunately, it works both ways. Since you should have a good idea of what makes this ex tick and why you are in court with them, you should try to contemplate questions that they may ask you as well. The court may ask the attorney representing the other party if they object to their client being cross-examined.
Assets
Be sure to have an itemized list of all assets and debts available for court and attach any receipts or proof of purchase for all items. The following is a common list of assets you can address the courts with:
The family home
Vacation home Tickets for an upcoming trip
Automobiles
Recreational vehicles
Exercise equipment
Electronics
Family heirlooms
Jewelry
Wedding band
Business or business name
Business supplies
Computer software
Tools
Appliances
Antiques or rare coins
Collectibles
Tax Checks
Stocks/Bonds
Royalties
Furniture
Pets
Cell Phones and contract.
Debts
Below is a list of common debts you can address the courts with:
Auto loansTax liens
Day care expenses
Home loans
Tuition (child)
College expenses (child)
Utility bills/bills
Cellular bills including contracts
Rent
School supplies (child) text book rental
Insurance
Club fees
Doctor bills
Attorney fees
Divorce fees
Business debts
Assets of Sentimental Value
Below is a list of common items you may have possessed before your ex and you resided together, and some arguments you might present to the courts if you want to keep the items:
Family home; maybe your father or grandfather built the home, and it’s been in the family for many generations. It could be that your ex committed adultery, did drugs, alcohol, or abused you causing the break-up and you feel they aren’t entitled to the home through no-fault of your own.
Collectibles; have been in the family for generations or were obtained by you before the relationship started.
Vehicle; used to transport your child or used for medical purposes.Business; you started on your own and put your own money into it.
Royalties; your spouse was not supportive throughout your venture.
Household supplies; appliances or items you need for your child and they only have themselves to worry about.
Cellular phone and service; you need for your child and emergencies.
Pets; because of bond with your child or you had it before the relationship.
Mortgage/rent; your ex may have abandoned you when you were without a job and left bills over-due, or maybe they cheated on you and you need them to help maintain the even though they moved out.
Take control
So you have decided to file against your ex, figured out which courthouse you need to file through, what you need to file, and where to locate the forms. You know whether your state allows self-representation and have made a list of all debts and assets and attached all proof of purchases. You know what out of those debts and assets you would like divided and what you believe would be reasonable for your ex to keep or pay. You have maintained accurate written records including dates of any incidents that may have occurred between the ex and you, or anyone pertaining to the main issue until your court date has arrived. Your calendar is marked accordingly and you checked to see if there is any parking, meter, or transportation fees, and or verified that you have a ride on the day of court. You have checked on road delays or detours and know where the courthouse is and what time you need to arrive. You have subpoenaed any witnesses and documents in plenty of time to receive the completed forms back before court and made a folder with all documents pertaining to your case. If you have decided to cross-examine witnesses, you made a list of questions for each, and went through your file and organized by placing the most important issues on top to be presented first in court. Hear ye, hear ye, you are about to take control of your situation!
Let’s begin by walking through a case that may be similar to yours; Kate and Joe were married and had three children together. Kate filed for divorce and it was granted by the courts. Kate remained in the family home with the children. Joe moved and maintained all visits with his children. The courts ordered him to pay child support.
After a few months, Joe filed for a support modification, because his employer cut his hours from a five day work week to four. He reviewed his state guideline’s which read that if his income went below 20 percent at any time of the year; he would be allowed to file for a modification. Normally, the courts will insist on both parties waiting at least one year from the last order, except when the percentage in income drops to state standards.
Kate received the summons for the modification, and remembered that Joe’s company cuts back at the same time each year and it only lasts for one month. She knows that if she fails to provide some proof of this to the courts and he is awarded the modification, they may keep the new order the same until a year passes. She decides to wait until the court date which is pushed out three months, before subpoenaing Joe’s employer for each check stub from the time he filed for the modification right up to their court date; this will show how much his income really suffered. She marks the court date on her calendar and sets her cell phone alarm to go off one and a half months before court as a reminder to subpoena his employer.
Meanwhile, Joe decides he wants to subpoena Kate’s employer for wage verification and the exact amount she pays weekly for their children’s health care-excluding her portion.
He looks up and writes down her and her employer’s addresses and phone numbers. He knows he needs to use his old case number each time he files something on her, so he jots it down.
Joe’s aware that there are parking meters in front of the courthouse where he will need to file, so he takes the right amount of change with him and makes the trip. He goes to the clerk’s office which is the same office that provided him with the previous modification packet. He asks the clerk for two subpoena s , one for Kate’s employer, and one in case he messes the form up (of course he won’t tell the clerk that). He takes out his page of information and places that old case number on the subpoena, along with Kate’s full name, address, and her employer’s information.
He writes down what it is he wants the employer to provide him with, the date they will have to return the completed document back to him by, and his return address. He takes the subpoena to the library, makes two copies, and then returns to the clerk’s office to have the clerk stamp all three forms; one for him, one for the employer, and the original for the courts. Kate does not get a copy. He has given her employer two months to complete and return the form, leaving one month in between court in case they do not respond.
Over a month has passed; Kate’s cell alarm sounds, it is time to file that subpoena on Joe’s employer. She takes the same steps he did with the exception of verifying health insurance, and marks her calendar for the date the form is due back to her and waits it out to see if they comply.
One more month passes, and both Joe and Kate receive their completed subpoenas in the mail. They both start organizing their folders, preparing concise presentations for the courts, and Kate arranges a sitter for their children.
Two weeks before court, Kate checks with her sitter again to make sure she will still be available.
The night before court, they gas up their vehicles, get the correct amount of change for parking meters, and check with the courthouse by phone to see if there have been any last minute scheduling changes.
On the day of court, Kate gets up extra early and gets her children around and off to the sitter’s. She goes back home and takes some extra time grooming and goes back over her case. Her paperwork is in the order she will present it to the courts and she leaves early to allow for any road construction or traffic delays and arrives at court on time.
Joe does all the same, minus the part about the children and heads into court.
In court, both parties enter wage verifications on each other and Joe enters the health care cost. Kate’s wages and health care cost remained the same as the last time they were in court. She was able to prove to the courts that Joe’s income only suffered one month a year.
Joe spoke up and addressed the courts about lowering his child support each year for that month, so he wouldn’t have to struggle the next time it happened.
The courts listened to both sides and took an average based on five weeks a year being eight hours shorter for Joe and lowered Joe’s support. Had Kate not built a case and proved to the courts that his income wouldn’t suffer year round she could have seen a significant drop in child support received all year.
If something is affecting you address it in court. The judge cannot read your mind, you are the only one who can speak up and take that stand. Spend time on your case to get it right.
One Month before Court
Remember to check your calendar one month before court and make sure none of the subpoenas you have sent out are overdue. If the form hasn’t arrived yet contact the courthouse you filed it through immediately.
If you have children and have not yet contacted a provider to care for them on your court day now would be a good time. Taking children into court is not suggested, however, sometimes you may not have a choice so if need be take them with you.
Be sure to contact your employer and put in a notice letting them know that you will be absent for a few hours or the whole day depending on how long court lasts.
Two Weeks before Court
As mentioned in previous chapters make sure and prearrange child care. Check on parking fees, transportation fees, and with anyone who may be driving you to court, and put in a notice at work.
Be sure you have the directions to court and know the area where you will park. You really should not show up at the last minute to try and locate a parking spot. The streets surrounding the courthouse can be under construction and or closed with no parking signs stretched out twelve blocks from where you need to be. These things happen often, that’s why it’s important to check your route beforehand.
Double check documents, records, etc., to be sure anything you present the courts with has been copied for the other party, otherwise, the courts may not take it into consideration.
Tip: If you are submitting tax documents and the new spouse or other family members are listed on the forms along with their social security numbers, you may want to make a copy of your return and white out those personal numbers on the copy you provide to your ex or the courts. The other party is entitled to your tax return when child support is a factor, but not to you and your family’s personal information.
One Week before Court
One week before your court date, it couldn’t hurt to give any friends or family members that may be listed as witnesses a quick call as a reminder of their appearance. Ask them (if they have small children), if they have prearranged for a sitter; you may offer to pay for the care.
Gather all documents, subpoena’s, records, etc., and put them in the same order you will address the courts with. Be sure to have your list of questions ready (if you cross-examining anyone), and put the most important issues to cover at the top of your stack and least at the bottom. Write down emergency numbers for the sitter and place it on the top of your stack, so you don’t forget it the morning of court before you walk out the door.
Two Days before Court
You might consider rehearsing your case. It is important that you know what to say and when to relay it to the courts. Remember, the judge is human and it is still a job. A judge has to reside over a certain amount of cases before their day is done, so know what you will discuss and be as brief as possible. Judges are generally personable and know people may be a little nervous about getting up in front of others and they realize that there are bound to be flaws from both parties presenting their cases. If you prepare for court your day will go a lot smoother.
Call the courthouse to make sure no there have been no last minute scheduling changes. Often courts double book their judges in error or the other party may decide to call in at the last minute to reschedule. It could be that the courts simply never penciled you in. Calling ahead won’t hurt a bit and will save you time and money should it be canceled.
Use this day to think ahead about any possible upcoming court dates you may want to file for example, let’s say that your ex tends to uh, forget important documents even though they have been requested in ample time before court. You already know that if they don’t bring in the W-2 you requested there is going to be another court date. You know you cannot take their word that they make x amount of dollars, so while you are in court you might as well plan on filing for another hearing, or ask the judge for a continuance. If you find that this is an example of your situation, then take all contact information with you into court just in case-doing so could only save you another trip to file later.
Check for any road delays or construction and if there are road delays and construction scope out an alternative route.
The Night before Court
The night before court; gas up the vehicle to save time on the day of court.
While at the gas station grab a water-just in case you might have a scratchy throat. Ask the attendant for correct change-if you know there are parking meters.
Go to the bank (if need be), for bus fair or transportation fees.
Purchase any transportation tickets on this day.
If someone is driving you give them a call as a reminder.
Check for any road delays.
Go back over your case.
Pick out you and or your child’s clothing and lay it out.
Pack diaper bag up if need be.
Set your alarm.
Get plenty of rest this night.
The Court Day
It might be beneficial to eat a little something before court.
Take some extra time grooming it will at least make you feel better.Take the emergency paper you wrote out and place it somewhere the sitter will see it.
Check to see if your court date is still on.
Grab all paperwork for court and give yourself some extra driving time.
Pay any parking fees and check in with the courts to let them know you have arrived.
If you see the other party, refrain from making faces or engaging in an argument with them (this is why you are going to court, to stop all the bickering).
While in court be polite to everyone including the judge, your ex, and their attorney.
Don’t speak out of turn.
Don’t mention hear say. If there is no proof, don’t mention it in court or anything that does not pertain to the reason you are in court on this day. Pressing issues about support when your ex may be in contempt for withholding your visits with your child and has nothing to do with support.
Don’t give dirty looks or let your ex bring the worst out in you and remember the judge can clearly pick up on that stuff.
Repetitive Chapters
You may have realized that some chapters have parts that are repetitious in this book; however, it is necessary to reiterate most tips and helpful steps, as many will not read this book from cover to cover, and I don’t want to leave anyone in the dark.
More to come. Stay tuned!
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